“AMERICA’S HOT ROD ON THE 4TH OF JULY”

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MY STINGRAY “MARY”: Red, right and true blue.

“SHUT DOWN” by The Beach Boys (1963)

Tach it up, tach it up
Buddy going to shut you down

It happened on the strip where the road is wide
Two cool shorts standing side by side
Yeah, my fuel injected Stingray and a four-thirteen
Revving up our engines and it sounds real mean

Declining numbers at an even rate
At the count of one we both accelerate
My Stingray is light the slicks are starting to spin
But the four-thirteen’s really digging in
Got to be cool now power shift here we go

Superstock Dart is winding out in low
But my fuel injected Stingray’s really starting to go
To get the traction I’m riding the clutch
My pressure plate’s burning that machine’s too much
Pedal’s to the floor hear the dual quads drink

And now the four-thirteen’s lead is starting to shrink
He’s hot with ram induction but it’s understood
I got a fuel injected engine sitting under my hood

Shut it off, shut it off buddy now I shut you down
Shut it off, shut it off buddy now I shut you down
Shut it off, shut it off buddy now I shut you down
Shut it off, shut it off buddy now I shut you down
Shut it off, shut it off buddy now I shut you down

Today is the 4th of July when we’re celebrating America’s birthday. So, it is wholly appropriate that I’m writing about old Corvettes of 50 years ago. There was a time 50 years ago, when the Chevy Stingray was “America’s Hot Rod.” This was during the famed “muscle car era,” when the Vette was one of the 800 pound gorilla hot rods of the day. It was brash, rash, loud and fast. If you were a hot rodder drag racing at Connecting Highway in Queens, you wanted a Vette Stingray. The word “brutal” comes to mind. You might liken it to the 1960s Harley Sportster, when the Sportster XLCH was considered the king of the streets.

Since then, the Harley Sportster has undergone a transformation in terms of it’s public image. Instead of being perceived as the king of the streets and the drag strip, the Sporty is now seen as a tame shadow of its former self. And in this day of 200 horsepower japbikes, that’s understandable. However, that is not true of the Chevy Vette. The newer Vettes have become even more powerful and dominant in speed. The stats don’t lie. A 2019 Corvette ZR1 puts out 755 horses, does zero to 60 in 2.68 seconds and tops out at 212 mph. So, why can’t I get into the new Vettes?

First of all, I can’t stand all the electronics on the new Vettes. Man, all I ever wanted was a stout Chevy mill with a Holley quad. Screw all that computer noise. The only nod I gave to electronics on “Mary” my ’72 Stingray, was a Mallory electronic ignition to replace the points set-up (I did the same for my ’71 Shovelhead “Mabel”—had electronic ignition replace the Blue Streak points I’d used for years). Hey, I have the same disdain for the electronics on the new Harleys. Do ya know that new Harleys have fuel pumps, which is necessitated by the Harleys’ fuel injection? I hadn’t kept up with what was happenin’ with newer Harleys, and I was surprised to learn that.

Second of all, another reason the newer Vettes’ persona has changed and I can’t get into ’em, is the millionaire’s price. Check this out: the price of a new Corvette ZR1, is $120,900! Hell, when I bought my first Vette (“Unnamed Vette”) used in 1966 when she was a little over two years old, she was only slightly over three grand. I paid less for Mary, my ’72 Stingray used, than a new piece of shit Ford Focus costs! It’s hard to call a $120,900 Vette “America’s Hot Rod” when she costs more than a three bedroom house in Florida, man. It is for the reasons I cited, that the Vette is no longer seen as “Everyman’s Hot Rod.” Newer Vettes belong in the four car garages of millionaires, next to their Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Rolls Royces.

That’s why I love my old Vette so much, man. She will always be “America’ Hot Rod” to me, representing an era of muscle cars that we’ll never see again. Sure, we’re seeing cars today with fantastic performance, but the image of these cars are of machines that only rich people can own. In their own way, they’re too refined for my taste. I like my Vettes rough and original. And that’s what my Stingray is: America’s Hot Rod on this 4th of July.

FINITO